Political Dirt

I just received a newsletter about parenting…an innocent looking mailer that was sent by the University of Nevada Reno Coop Extension, adapted with permssion from New Mexico State University.

Here’s what it says (now mind you, this is for ages 15-16 months, as it states on the top of each page.)

Oh and one other note…the things in bold are my emphasis…

Reasoning With Children Works

Scientists have studied families to learn how parents discipline their children. The studies showed that parents usually guide toddlers in one of two ways–with power control or reasoning.

Power control includes hitting/spanking, use of force, and taking away toys or privileges. Parents using power control often do not speak to their children or show love.

Reasoning means explaining in words that the child can understand what you want him to do and why. Parents who use reasoning point out how the child or others could be hurt.

For example, if your child throws sand at other children, you could say “Janie, you need to stop throwing sand. It makes a big mess and could get in Billy’s eyes and hurt him.”

Studies showed that reasoning worked better than power control. When parents used reasoning, children learned the rules and were more cooperative. Over time, reasoning builds respect between the parent and child. It also teaches children how to reason with their friends instead of hitting them.”

The author, I believe, is Dr. Sally S. Martin, Ph.D., CFLE State Extension Specialist, Family Studies. This article is taken word for word from the Little Lives, A Parent’s Guide to Development newsletter.

Now before I go off saying that this lady is a nut and obviously does not have children (at least children that aren’t in jail, on parole, drunks, 45 year olds that live with their mothers, thieves, mental patients in a psych ward, etc. etc.) I have to say my FIRST complaint is this..

“Scientists have studied….”

“The studies showed that…”

“Studies showed that…”

WHAT scientists, and WHAT studies? Why isn’t that included? Perhaps they think parents are too stupid to question them if they say these things. Any reputable article will say where these studies have come from and who these scientists are…if they want to be believable.

That is my first gripe…because I really abhor people using things like those terms to “prove” their point. If you can’t state the source, shut up and sit out. Or at least make a disclaimer about it!

Now….I just finished a Bible study called Wisdom for Mothers and it touched on the very issue of discipline. And I will get to that in a bit. But first, I want to share two experiences I’ve had:

1. My 15 month old just the other day was hitting a lamp with his Hot Wheels car. I told him “no-no, mommy doesn’t want you to hit the lamp” and he continued. Then I moved him over and he promptly went back and hit the lamp. I told him the same thing, more firmly and he continued. So I took the car away and what do you think my adorable little bugger did? He started hitting the lamp with his hand! So! I took the ornery little guy and I plopped him in the exersaucer (which he hates when he knows he’s being thwarted.) (I relayed this story to my father who asked me if he kind of “peeked at me to see if I was watching him” when he went to hit the lamp, and I told him no, he looked me square in the eyes and did it.)

So…what is my point here? Well any parent who has been a parent knows that you can not reason with an unreasonable child. One of the most popular secular parenting magazines (while they steer FAR FAR away from the spanking issue) will tell you that taking away toys and privileges is effective. (I know, I get this magazine.)

And it is! Spanking aside, it is absolutely ludicrous to think you can “reason” with a 15 month old. No amount of reasoning with my 15 month old would reach his consciousness to make him change his mind about hitting the lamp. He wanted to do it, he knew he had the power to do it, and by golly, he was going to do it! Now, I do think it’s important to tell them what they did wrong and why they are being disciplined, (even at an early age….not that they necessarily understand, but it’s good to get in the habit) but accusing parents of not speaking to or loving their children simply because they take away toys or privileges is absurd. Disgusting. Insulting. Repulsive. And a whole bunch of other adjectives.

The second story is this:

I have had this sand in the eyes experience mentioned in the article. I was in elementary school (6th grade?) and a bunch of kids were chasing each other on a playground. I was after this one girl (who didn’t like me, but for whatever reason, I do not know), but she ran under a bridge and when I went under there after her, she turned and threw two handfuls of sand directly in my eyes. She was maybe a couple of feet from me. I mean, it went STRAIGHT into my eyes and I thought I was going to be blind. It was awful!

Now why do I mention this? Because no amount of reasoning with that child would’ve made her ON HER OWN change her mind about doing what she did. She did not like me, no one was around to see it (parent-wise) and she apparently wasn’t afraid enough of whatever consequences she could face by her mom/dad to reign in her behavior and so she did it. (Oooh, the memory of it still makes me say “BRAT!!!”)

The point of discipline (as most of us know) is to train our children to reign in these evil and impulsive desires that our sin nature rules us by. Of course, the secular world does not believe in a sin nature, but as followers of Christ, we know our own true nature and our own wickedness. In fact, even secular sources (like my parenting magazine) do as well, otherwise they wouldn’t be providing articles and tips on discipline! Any parent knows you do not have to teach your child to hit, lie, or do bad things. They just do them.

But this is my point. As long-winded as I have been, I hope you have hung in there. This is the kind of crap being put out there for parents to read. As I said, this is a mailer that went out to who knows how many tens of thousands of households in the valley. (The reason I got this in the first place is that we went to a Touch a Truck fundraiser and there was a reading booth where you could get a free book for the kids on trucks, but you had to fill out this little form.) So how many innocent parents are receiving this garbage, I do not know, but it saddens me.

The point I’m trying to make is this. This belief that you can “reason with the enemy” has permeated our society everywhere. From trying to rehab sexual predators to Barack Obama’s statements on how to handle Iraq (TALK to them….reason with enemy basically), this notion is the MO of the left in our society. There is no room for belief in handling evil with swift retaliation anymore. Why? Because people do not believe evil exist anymore. Not only do they not believe in God, they don’t believe in evil either. Why, I have no idea, when it’s everywhere! (And I’m not saying everyone…I think on a personal level, most people in the U.S. recognize right and wrong…but on a political level and legal level, our nation is being handled by extremists who don’t fight against or want to fight against evil…)

(Which is why I have to applaud Bush with the whole Iraq thing and sticking to his guns even when half of the nation and world is badmouthing him for doing it.)

A lot of people think we don’t have any business being in Iraq. And I’m not going to argue whether or not we should be there. But the point is, this notion that you can reason with terrorists, who put their own lives on the line, is just..well, it’s not Biblical, in my opinion. I’m sure David didn’t try to reason with Goliath before knocking him out. I’m sure they didn’t sit down over Starbucks coffee and talk the situation out before deciding to have it out!

You can’t reason with an unreasonable person. But therein lies the problem…most people don’t believe that people are TRULY unreasonable. Well, take a look at any two year old throwing a temper tantrum in the store and decide whether you think they can be reasoned with. Sometimes they can be! (Though, not in the midst of full out fit-throwing…you gotta get past that.) And that’s not to say we don’t try to reason with others first. Of course we do. But the notion that we stop there is just not right. And my point in writing this is just to make aware that this idea is consuming our society in every facet there is.

Now…the Bible study–which by the way, the author says she and her husband used to be very liberal with their children and tried reasoning with them, but year by year they grew more unruly and UNreasonable, and it wasn’t until her mother gently corrected her, that she realized she had been going about it the wrong way… There were a bunch of Bible verses in Proverbs that were really excellent (and eye-opening since I don’t believe I have read them since becoming a parent…)

Particularly this one:

Proverbs 19:18

Discipline your child while there is hope, and do not desire his death.

(Yowzers!)

Proverbs 10:13

On the lips of the discerning, wisdom is found, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks understanding.

Proverbs 22:15

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it for him.

Proverbs 29:15

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 23:13-14

Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you beat him with the rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with the rod and deliver his soul from Sheol.

Proverbs 29:17

Correct your son and he will give you comfort; he will also delight your soul.

Well! I think it’s pretty clear here what parents are to do. And we are not to BEAT our children like the American definition of the word means. But if we do NOT discipline our children, it will not only bring shame to us, it will bring about their death.

We are accountable to the Lord. He is our ultimate ruler. What we do with our decisions in this life can make or break not only us, but our country and our future for our children. If we don’t stand up for what is right NOW, what will they be facing down the road? Being arrested and children taken away if they smack their child’s hand for touching a hot stove? Having the Bible taken away from them because it’s not politically correct and tells you to “beat” your children? Never mind the rest of society and the world and the terrorists and the weapons and the evil…

THAT is why I am doing this blog. It’s not for me. It’s for my children and their generation and their children. If we don’t stand up for what is right NOW, how will they be able to get it back?

The battle DOES belong to the Lord.  But even in David and Goliath’s case, He didn’t ask David to sit out.  He had to get in there and fight.